In John Bowlby’s attachment theory, ambivalent insecure attachment is categorized as a distinct type of attachment. While it shares some similarities with avoidant insecure attachment, there are significant differences between the two.
Previous articles have explored both the secure attachment style and the avoidant insecure attachment.
Common characteristics of ambivalent insecure attachment include low self-confidence, an intense fear of rejection or abandonment, and dependency in relationships.
The child as a distorted reflection of the parents’ image
Before delving deeper, it’s crucial to understand that the parental behaviors we’ll discuss are often unconscious, automatic patterns “inherited” through the parents’ own upbringing.
In insecure-ambivalent attachment, parents prioritize meeting their own emotional needs over those of their child, inadvertently traumatizing the child in the process. To fulfill these emotional needs, they may stimulate the infant even when it tries to avoid interaction, such as by averting its gaze.
- These parents often appear intrusive or overprotective.
- They may also “use” the child to satisfy their own need for love, seeking validation that someone loves them and that they are important to someone—in this case, their child.
- Alternatively, they may strive to present a positive self-image as the perfect parent. This is typically achieved through the child’s performance and achievements (e.g., academic success or gaining acceptance from others, which they interpret as validation of their own worth).
Inconsistency and Mixed Messages from Parents
Parents with insecure-ambivalent attachment patterns often display inconsistent and unpredictable responses to their child. They may:
- Cause distress or overstimulate the infant
- Fail to help the child engage in their relationship
Due to this inconsistent availability, where “sometimes they allow and encourage closeness and sometimes they don’t,” the child becomes uncertain about the reliability of their parents’ responses to physical and emotional cues. This uncertainty hinders the child’s ability to interpret and respond to parental behavior. Consequently, the child learns to amplify signals for attention, often escalating distress to seek care.
A striking example of this inconsistency is when parents display excessive affection towards their children in public but remain distant or preoccupied at home. Notably, parents are often unaware of this behavioral discrepancy.
This pervasive uncertainty leads children to appear:
- Cautious
- Upset
- Angry
- Distressed
- Preoccupied
These behaviors manifest during both separation and reunion, particularly with the mother. Upon reunion, these children typically struggle to find comfort in their mother’s presence and may continue crying.
Furthermore, these children often exhibit:
- Irritability
- Difficulty recovering from stress
- Poor impulse control
- Fear of abandonment
- Misbehavior
These outcomes stem from the absence of a secure base—a constant source of security, refuge, and unconditional love and acceptance typically found in children with secure attachment.
Characteristics of Insecure-Ambivalent Attachment in Childhood and Adulthood
Infants with insecure-ambivalent attachment display ambivalence towards unpredictable parents, alternating between:
- Angry, rejecting behaviors
- Contact-seeking behaviors during reunion with the mother after separation
Children with insecure-ambivalent patterns often exhibit a “difficult temperament” characterized by:
- Intense expressiveness
- Negative mood reactions
- Slow adaptability to change
- A problematic attitude towards attachment in adult life
In Adult Life
As adults, individuals with insecure-ambivalent attachment typically experience:
- Higher anxiety, insecurity, and obsessions in interpersonal relationships
- Negative emotions and emotional exaggerations
- Jealousy
- Obsessive thoughts
- Low self-esteem and fear of abandonment or rejection
Furthermore, adults who developed insecure-ambivalent attachment in childhood often:
- Are preoccupied with attachment needs
- Are excessively dependent on others
- Have a tendency for intense involvement in interpersonal relationships, with a strong preference for closeness
- Focus excessively on internal distress, frequently seeking relief in frantic ways
Insecure-Ambivalent Attachment and Interpersonal Relationships
Individuals with this attachment style often feel ashamed of their perceived overdependence on relationships and their constant need for attention and love confirmation from their partners. This shame contributes to their difficulty in maintaining close relationships.
Unable to recognize security within relationships, these individuals are preoccupied with the availability of attachment figures, including therapists. They frequently experience:
- Heightened emotional and physical arousal
- Changes in muscle tone when facing potential separation
Key characteristics in their romantic and platonic relationships include:
- Desiring closeness and intimacy while struggling to trust or fully rely on partners
- Allowing intimate relationships to dominate daily life, becoming excessively focused on their partner
- Difficulty respecting partners’ boundaries, perceiving them as threats. For instance, a partner’s request for personal space might trigger panic, fear, or anger, as they interpret it as rejection
- Basing a significant portion of their self-esteem on perceived treatment in relationships, often reacting disproportionately to perceived threats
- Experiencing anxiety or jealousy when separated from partners, potentially resorting to manipulative tactics (e.g., guilt-tripping, controlling behavior) to maintain closeness
Insecure-Ambivalent Attachment and Self-Regulation
According to Carl Rogers’ person-centered theory, children with insecure-ambivalent attachment patterns may display greater congruence between:
- Internal mental states
- External physical sensations and expressions
This contrasts with children who have insecure-avoidant attachment. For instance, when asked about their well-being, individuals with insecure-avoidant attachment often respond with “all good,” even if they’re experiencing discomfort.
Despite this congruence, those with insecure-ambivalent attachment often struggle with self-regulation. As adults, they find isolation particularly distressing:
- They cling to relationships, unable to tolerate loneliness
- They become overly dependent on interactions with others
- They find it difficult to relax and remain calm within relationships
While these individuals seek social engagement, they remain wary—a result of hypervigilance developed from past experiences of intrusive behavior by their primary attachment figure, typically the mother.
Conclusion
Insecure-ambivalent attachment is a complex behavioral pattern rooted in inconsistent and unpredictable parental responses during early childhood. This attachment style profoundly affects an individual’s emotional development, self-perception, and relationships throughout life. Adults with this attachment type often grapple with anxiety, low self-esteem, and an intense fear of abandonment, leading to challenging relationship dynamics. They may exhibit a paradoxical mix of neediness and mistrust, craving closeness while doubting others’ reliability and intentions. This internal conflict can result in emotional turbulence, unstable relationships, and self-regulation difficulties. Understanding insecure-ambivalent attachment is crucial for both those experiencing it and professionals supporting them. Recognizing these patterns enables the development of targeted interventions and coping strategies, promoting more secure attachment styles and healthier relationships. While challenging, the journey towards secure attachment is possible with awareness, support, and therapeutic intervention, ultimately leading to more fulfilling interpersonal connections.
Βιβλιογραφία
- attachmentproject. (2022, January 10). Retrieved January 13, 2022, from www.attachmentproject.com: https://www.attachmentproject.com/blog/anxious-attachment/
- Lawrence, R., Jeanne, S., & Jaelline, J. (2021, February). helpguide. Retrieved January 15, 2022, from www.helpguide.org/: https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/attachment-and-adult-relationships.htm
- Ogden, P., Minton, K., & Pain, C. (2006). Trauma and the Body: A sensorimotor Approach to Psychotherapy. New York, NY: W. W. Norton & Company, Inc.
- Παπαγιάννη, Ε. (2020 , Νοεμβρίου 30 ). psychology. Ανάκτηση January 15, 2022, από www.psychology.gr: https://www.psychology.gr/psychologia-sxeseon/5199-esoteriki-anaparastasi-tis-protis-proskollisis-kai-eniliki-proskollisi.html
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