Acceptance is a multidimensional concept that requires a deeper understanding beyond mere mention.
Example of acceptance
Consider acceptance in the context of rainy or foggy weather: It means acknowledging the weather as it is—rainy and cloudy—and proceeding to organize and start your day as planned.
- This involves not dwelling on preferred weather conditions or what would be more convenient for your plans;
- and refraining from complaints, whining, sighs, or negative thoughts like “How unlucky am I?” or “This only happens to me.”
In this situation, it’s crucial to recognize:
Regardless of how angry, annoyed, stressed, or sad you feel about the bad weather, the situation won’t change (at least not immediately).
Maintaining a negative attitude will only worsen your mood. You have two choices: accept the weather as is and move forward, or find a way to adapt. Otherwise, you’ll continue feeling bad and “victimized” about something beyond your control.
However, if only our daily struggles were as simple as accepting or rejecting the weather. Acceptance plays a significant role in our social lives, affecting us to varying degrees.
There are three types of acceptance:
- The approval we receive from others.
- The acceptance we show others.
- The love we have for ourselves.
Our focus on acceptance
Two dimensions influence and shape our behavior and reality:
First, our capacity to accept ourselves and others. Second, the considerable energy we expend worrying about whether we are or will be accepted by others. We also focus on actions we take or should take to gain acceptance.
In a previous article titled “The Good Child Syndrome,” we explored the consequences of both the need for acceptance and the impact of not receiving it. We initially seek acceptance from our parents, then from others in our lives.
That article discussed two concepts: unconditional acceptance and conditional acceptance.
Acceptance of Oneself and Others
Self-acceptance means embracing ourselves with all our flaws. It involves acknowledging that we are imperfect beings who make mistakes and don’t always achieve our goals. This doesn’t mean we should constantly criticize ourselves. Instead, it’s about unconditional acceptance—accepting ourselves and others exactly as we are. In contrast, conditional acceptance means we only accept someone if they meet our expectations, needs, and standards.
To truly recognize and accept these aspects, we must first understand who we are and what we want. Simultaneously, we need to be mindful of others’ diversity and desires.
Difference Between Acceptance of Self and Others
There’s a crucial distinction between accepting ourselves and accepting others. With self-acceptance, we have the option to continue or terminate:
- a behavior
- a situation
- our way of thinking
- a way of life in general
We might choose to change these aspects because:
- they hinder our growth;
- we dislike them and don’t benefit from them;
- they cause negative emotions and dysfunction in our lives, relationships, and work.
The Paradox of Acceptance
Self-acceptance isn’t a static, black-and-white situation of “this is how I am, and that’s it.” It’s dynamic, offering us the choice to change.
Accepting our current situation—whether it’s a problem, a personal trait, or a circumstance—brings us to a decision point: What will we do? Will we act or not?
- If we choose to act: What should we do? Are we ready to accept the consequences?
- If we choose not to act: Do we understand the implications? Are we prepared for the consequences?
In both cases, the choice and responsibility are ours. By being aware of ourselves, a problem, or a situation, and accepting them as they are, we must make a choice and accept our responsibilities. Whether we decide to act or not, we are the ones making the final decision.
Remember, choosing inaction is both a choice and an action in itself.
Our acceptance of others
Accepting others differs slightly from self-acceptance.
The key distinction is that when we accept ourselves, we have the option to change if we choose to do so. This isn’t always the case when accepting others.
Acceptance means “I recognize and understand the other person for who they are” (often followed by a “but…”). It doesn’t necessarily mean the other person will change or try to change. It simply means we recognize that the other person:
- has certain characteristics
- acts in a particular way
- thinks and lives in their own manner
The illusion of “control” and “changing” others
When we ask someone to do or not do something, the final decision is theirs. This is true regardless of their psychological background or our influence on them.
In reality, we have no control over others and thus no responsibility for their actions. Each person has control and responsibility for their own decisions and actions.
We must accept that we cannot control others, no matter how much we might want to or believe we can. Of course, we’re still concerned about these matters.
Addressing behaviors we dislike in our relationships
We can try to discuss and bring awareness to certain behaviors we’ve observed, filtered through our own perceptions.
But, many will complain that they’ve communicated their concerns to others, but nothing has changed.
Beyond how we communicate, we must return to the importance of awareness. When aware, the other person can accept certain things and take responsibility for their actions or inaction.
One of the few things we can do is help others perceive things they might not notice or be aware of, acting as their “external mirrors.” This can sometimes impact us negatively.
When helping someone realize something, we also express how their behaviors affect us and our relationship.
Three possible outcomes when communicating with someone:
- We communicate ineffectively, failing to help the other person understand.
- We communicate effectively, but they remain unaware.
- Whether we communicate effectively or not, they understand what we’re saying and can choose their response.
Our contribution is limited. They may need more explanations, examples, or patience. Ultimately, their actions are their decision.
Our role then is to understand and set our own boundaries—deciding what will happen if these boundaries are crossed or the current situation persists. Setting boundaries means accepting responsibility for our actions and understanding their implications.
Conclusion
Our exploration of acceptance highlights several key issues:
- Self-awareness, personal responsibility, and the capacity for change
- Effective interpersonal communication
- Recognizing and setting personal boundaries
From childhood, we’ve craved acceptance from others—a validation that not only acknowledges our existence but also reinforces our sense of self-worth and accomplishments.
Yet, this acceptance often came with strings attached or was altogether absent. As a result, we’ve found ourselves altering our behavior to fit in and gain approval. However, when it comes to the pursuit of acceptance, we must confront an uncomfortable truth:
Our attempts to gain acceptance often backfire, leading to outcomes contrary to our expectations—a reality we must acknowledge and accept.
Πηγή 1ης δημοσίευσης: psychology.gr
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